Wednesday, May 28, 2003
Well after a horrible week of guilt and stress, I find myself under pressure to do well this semester at last.

My fears of loneliness have once again been confirmed, after I experience, what I feel to be anyway, betrayal after betrayal. Things which I cannot comprehend, but rather I wonder about some things. Right now, all I can say, is I can finally sympathise with Steve as to how he might feel most of the time. Not to say I'm going to react in the same manner, but it really does hit you when all of a sudden, your life falls upside down...or rather, it had fallen upside down a while ago, but nobody had told you. Or your life had always been fucked up, and nobody, not even your closest friends (or perhaps your closest friends) had even mentioned to you that you're a fucked up person.

I could sit here and think about the shitness of life, and then proceed to hate everyone. Or I can realise that I am a crap person, and while I've tried, time and time again to change that, I always come back to being me, the lazy piece of shit. The only thing I know how to do, is keep changing, and changing back, and I realise the only thing that's going to accomplish, is an endless torture. Sometimes I wonder how I'm able to see people I somewhat know, and just be this extremely cheerful person, and they think I'm just this happy motherfucker. Truth of the matter is, I enjoy being happy. I enjoy having people to laugh with.

I don't enjoy finding out later that those same people hate me and think of me as fucking pathetic. An obvious statement, and while it goes out to more or less everyone out there..I was always afraid that it would happen to me. I tell myself that if it does happen, then it simply means I'm with the wrong bunch of people. But then again, I've always been afraid that no matter where I go, I won't be accepted because I am the way I am. Part of me wishes to say that those fears have been affirmed, but the other part doesn't want that to be true. The first part is difficult, and the second part thinks that the first part is a coward's way out.

In the end, I succeed in only confusing myself and bringing more pain upon myself.

Well there you go, another blog entry. I hope you enjoy.

Thursday, May 08, 2003
So anyway, life is fucking brilliant.

Wednesday, March 26, 2003


Tuesday, March 25, 2003
Heh, I seem to post a new entry once every 1.5 months :p

Well, uni has started again. Yes, it could be a whole lot better, but it could also be a lot worse. I have made some new friends, ones whom I seem to get along with. My tutorials are fun, which is odd.

Where to begin...
Well, since my last blog, I have lost at least 10kg, and put on additional muscle mass. Yet, I still feel bloated :{ I went from being able to barely do 10 pushups, to being able to do 40. Currently I'm doing 12 sets of 25 every 2nd or 3rd night..But I feel that I'm beginning to slack off, and I'm starting to lose my touch again.
Hopefully I'll be able to fix that soon.

I met quite a few new people at uni, and ran into some old friends. One person to mention in particular, would have to be Louise :D

I'd known her through Ivan last year, and I always wondered why she always seemed so quiet. I assumed that that was the way she was. Then recently, one of my primary school mates (Kim) was talking to Louise, and I joined in the conversation. And I brought up primary school, and asked Louise where she had gone. Turns out, she was in my class back in Grade 5, and she was even one of the two people asked to guide me around when I first arrived from Malaysia. I HAD NO IDEA @_@
She was all like, omfg I recognised you straight away, I thought you were just pretending to not know me :(((
I still don't remember her T__________T

Also, I'm still working the same amount of hours per week, no change there..
OH yeah, it was my birthday 2 weeks ago, I didnt really do stuff :|
I had uni in the morning, work in the afternoon, and for dinner we had Chink food (surprise! except not). I didn't want to eat Chink food, so my mum was all like, so you decide where to go then. And after like 2 hours I finally decided that I wanted Fish & Chips. Needless to say, she yelled at me, and said that if I wanted fish and chips, she would make it tomorrow night - except my mum's version of Fish & Chips doesn't include chips, and the fish doesn't taste like fish from fish & chips :||
Anyhow, we ended up eating chink food.

Last week, my sister - Michelle - came back for my sister - Emille - 's Graduation. She was praising me all week about how much weight I'd lost in just a month :D
Graduation was pretty boring, and we had a late dinner, so I felt really bad about that.

Today, I went to see Daredevil for free (thx Mai ^_^). The best parts of the movie were the xmen and matrix previews :|
Seriously, whoever made that movie needs to die.

Also, I would rant on about seeing Melissa the few times in the past few weeks, but I don't feel like thinking about her anymore :{

I just realised that my 1.5 months of life can be summarised in less than a page! How delightful.

Sorry Shrap, no weird dreams this time :(

Anyway, till next time.
----------> I joined Kung Fu ^____________^ <--------------


Wednesday, February 12, 2003
I had a dream.

In this dream, I recall running from some sort of war between humans and orcs. Outside my house, which was all of a sudden, surrounded my lush valleys.
I run behind my house, and I see a tent. I go inside the tent, and there is a lady there, very tanned. I think she was South american in nature. She was naked, so i proceeded to finger her, where she promptly woke up, and I fucked her. Then I sensed someone approaching, so i pulled out and tried to hide. And then this really fat guy (I remember him, he was this guy that i saw while purchasing my parking permit for uni, on Monday), comes in, and sees the naked girl. She entices him, and he pulls out his liek 10 inch dick. For some reason 5 seconds later it's expanded to a 1 meter dick, and I'm seeing him fuck her.
Then I walk out of the tent, and go back into my house, and I notice several Bloodlusted orcs (with a reddish glow on their hands) lying on the beds in the rooms in my house, but no people anywhere, implying that the orcs had won the battle. Then I woke up.

Please. I don't even want to KNOW what that means.

Saturday, December 28, 2002
whoa, fuck haven't updated this in over a month.

Let's see what happened between now and then..

I bought a bunny. He died because I neglected him in a way, but not entirely my fault.
Then I bought 2 bunnies. Twitch & Stitch. a week ago, I took stitch to the vet, because of some sort of minor eye infection. She was looking a lot worse on Sunday, so I took her to the vet again, and the vet said it was too late. Either spend 999 dolars on an operation which she probably wont survive, and continuously give her antibiotics, and if she does miraculously survive, an operation needs to be done on her right eye to have it removed.

Obviously I opted for Euthanasia, I felt so guilty afterwards.

Mum called the next day and told me not to buy anymore rabbits because it was making everyon sad and im wasting too much money etc. That really pissed me off because, I mean come on, it's my money, why are they telling me not to spend it on what I consider to be a worthy cause?

Bah, I also have to send in a show cause form to Monash for fucking up the semester so bad, and if I'm not careful, I could be kicked out of uni :/

GJ@ me so far...

Spent lots of money @ christmas buying gifts for people, got my own credit card, etc...

I didnt drink very much on christmas eve, but i lost control surprisingly early, and I apparently told doom, jubs and mai that i love them, which is just delightful.
I also called Joei which was kinda weird because...I didnt have much control :|

hmmm......also watched LOTR: TTT and that movie seriously owns me.
Been spending much time with Ben and co. during the holidays, and blah.

I guess not much has happened, I'm still trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing right now.

Currently, my computer is giving me the shits by beeping ever so loudly from inside the tower, and I have no clue what it is. Go me~

Oh yeah, and on Christmas night @ the midnight mass, I caught a glimpse of Melissa as I was leaving, so I sorta felt like someone just stabbed me in the heart :/ which is mostly why I decided to drink as much as i felt i could on christmas night..
Blah, life sucks :/

Friday, November 15, 2002
Fucked up this semester.

Anxiety, uncertainty, depression, it's all meant to hit you before the opportunity passes, not after.

I bought LOTR yesterday, and I went to pick up Ultish after I got home from uni. Had a subway footlong, and went to chadstone to buy a gc mem card, and I went to rent Resident Evil, which turned out to be really fuckign boring.

Played some smash bros with Ultish, and it's not as good as I used to think, Played some wc3, and got owned by Ultish twice in a row.

Then he went home, and I began to watch LOTR, and I almost cried for some reason.
I was watching some of the worlds greatest commercials, and some were really funny, although I laughed, and sorta cried on the inside, and outside a little.

Had a long talk with Joei, kinda cheered me up a little..for some reason, I jsut felt so lonely while watching LOTR.

Had a chat with Mai as well after, putting her off her work, and geting slightly more cheerful, but still so damn sad.

I don't even know what the fuck is wrong with me


Monday, November 11, 2002
wow...another 20 days since my last blog D:

Well yeah...not much has happened since then.

Failed Accounting. Failed Finance. Failed Marketing. GJ @ me for picking the wrong course. I fucking hate it >:(
Well at least I'm planning to pass Jap, since I'm actually interested in that @_@.

ermm...Was sick for quite a while last week, had the flu as well as food poisoning, ergh. Too bad I didn't die >:(
Well I ended up working about 2 hours total, cos I felt so shite..

I bought Super Smash bros: Melee recently, because games were 25% off @ Target. Got it cheap, but I still haven't returned that mem card I bought yet, even though I haven't used it. Nobody to go to Chadstone with me, it's so boring going all by myself :(

ermm...........Mai got the job @ Vilage and invited me to the cinema free of charge, and free pizza too :D It's too bad that the movie was blue crush :(
The new cinema complex was nice :}~

humm...Man my past 20 days sure have been fucking boring D:
Oh yeah, I also haven't returned this book that I borrowed from the uni library, it was due about 3 weeks ago :( And I also haven't returned the Dirty Pair Flash movie that I borrowed from the Macc library, and I still ower tons of cds to people for burning, plus I still owe 375 bucks to my sister for the 120 gig HD...

I also cooked Honey chicken the friday that my parents went to China (Oh bythe way, my parents are in China :}), and I shouted my sister/s and her boyfriend (one) to dinner @ an indian restaurant on friday night, so yeah :D Feels good to shout people again. But spent 70 bucks on an unsatisfactory meal so bleh >:O

I ended up working 7 hours on thursday, 8 hours on friday and 4 on saturday...in those 3 days i got a total of 5 hours sleep, thanks to the amount of coffee I drank at work >:\
Came home on satday, and was supposed to vacuum the floor, but i dropped into bed and slept for 6 hours straight.

That night, people came over for a barbeque we were having, which I wasn't aware of until that morning, but anyway. So I ended up playing some ssbm, and also karaoked for a while, and lost my voice today :(

And Darchon's ftp fucked up again, so while I was planning to use up my remaining 2.5 gigs if bandwidth during the weekend, it never came to pass :(((((((
Besides, I was too busy doing other stuff to set up the downloading anyway so bleh :{

Got my schedule for next week, 1-8 monday to wednesday, so 21 hours of work, about 250 bucks after tax, so not bad at all.

Then I get to study in my free time, and japanese exam on friday, as well as a day off on saturday and sunday, so yay XD

Today while I was vacuuming, noticed the Fruit basket had mold inside of it. The smell was putrid, and I ended up cleaning 2398234 things today. I was quite satisfied after doing it all, but ended up getting to the cinema late :/

The stupid retard in front of me was driving @ 60 on an 80 zone road.

Not only that, on the way home, I had another old retard driving @ 60 on an 80 zone road (WELLINGTON ROAD!) and turned into my residential area road as well, on Tirhatuan Drive, and drove @ 40 in the 50 zone. so...slow....>:O~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well anyway, if anyone decides to read this, then whee :)

if not then D:, but only for about 10 mins, and then whee :) some more :E

so for now I'll just be :|

chow, Garbo.

Wednesday, October 23, 2002

Again, I update my blog.

First off, I bought a Gamecube. And a 120 gig HD, which never ended up working beucase my stupid motherboard wont detect it >:\

Also, I bought 2 extra controllers, of different colours, and my last one will be the wavebird wireless, imported from america :D

No games just yet...just hoping to get Mario Party 4.

I've been really goddamn lazy these past few weeks. Just, not being bothered to study or anything...I've begun to lose weight again.
Last week, I went on a famine from thursday night till Sunday night, eating nothign, and drinking water. Monday morning came, and the effects were surprising. My stomach had shrunk to a point where I ate merely breakfast, and I wouldn't even think about eating until about 9 hours later. I also went for a jog in the morning, and decided I would do this for the next 6 months...but I didn't wake up this morning :E

Also, I've been doing quite a bit of weights, so I hope i'll shape up within the next four months :D

I also bleached my hair blonde, kept it for about 2 days, then dyed it blue. It turned out purplish blue, and its starting to wear out now. I think I'll leave it to fade, and just have it blonde.
Also, I told my friend (Oyster) about the job availabilities @ my place, so I think she might be working there soon. w00t, no more extreme boredom anymore ;|

I also downloaded some songs for melissa: Laputa and Nausicaa OSTs to be precise. Still trying desperately to get the remainder of Fruits Basket, Hikaru no Go, and Azumanga Daioh from people.

also, getting slightly annoyed that my funds seem to be draining out quite quickly, due to petrol, etc. And also the goddamn ISP charging me 60 bucks for overusage of our bandwidth limits, when I clearly could not have possibly used 130 mb in one day, without fucking realising it.

Oh hoho, time for my ramblings about melissa:

I talked to her on Wednesday, and we talked for a while...then we hung up. Over the next few days, I pondered on that conversation...she seemed..bored?
I told myself that I would change to become a person that she would enjoy being with. Someone that shared the same interests, such as music and cars.
I have a lot of work to do :p

Then I decided to ask her to go somewhere with me on Sunday, without telling her where, for fear of her rejecting me yet again.
When I arrived there, she came out into the car...looking like a completely different person.

Everythign was new. Her clothes, her style (arrogant, conceited, bitchy). She wore makeup, something which I was always proud to say that she didn't wear. I loved the way she looked so natural. She cut her hair short, and gelled it at the back, like when we started dating. Yet, while we were dating, she decided to grow her hair long, for some reason.

So then we went to the beach, and along the way, she kept complaining about the way I drove, and why I didn't tell her where we were going, because she normally dresses up so fancy whenever she goes out.

When we got there, I was hoping to have a nice walk, just so we could talk about things. But she was too angry, for some reason. I think she was upset because I failed to inform her where we were going so she could dress more appropriately. Anyway, we decided to just sit down at a bench, where she refused to even look at me.

I asked her, if this was the real her. And she claimed that the real her was harsh, cruel. And the real world disliked that, that's why she put on a pretty face. She said that if it was the real her, we would've broken up a long time ago. So I asked if the real her wanted anything to do with me at all...and she said "no". Then we finished that discussion, and headed home, and along the way, I asked her what it was about me that bugged her so much. She wouldn't tell me, and I kept asking, then she finally told me that I was "boring". From that point on, she was the one who was comfortable with talking with me, and I was so fucking angry..yet I kept it all in.

We ended up going to dinner instead, because I hadn't eaten in 3 days. We had teppanyaki, fsking 33 bucks per person. It wasn't even a lot, and even though I was quite full, it was still slightly disappointing. When we got in the car, I asked her if I'd ever get another chance again. If I became an entirely different person, healthy, goodlooking, hardworking, outgoing, athletic, sociable, and sharing the same interests as her, etc. Would I ever get another chance again?

To which she replied "no." Because she would always see me as the same person. I became very depressed at that point. She had no idea how much I loved her. And I hated myself so much, for loving someone who held so much hatred for me.
Then I proceeded to ask her to allow me to be her good friend..someone she could confide in, someone she could talk to about things. She would deny me even that, claiming that she already had another "guy" from uni, that shared the same goals and dreams as her.

That night, I called her up and asked her not to mention our little get-together, and what we talked about, to anyone. I said she could talk to her best friend about it, and she already told her mum. For some odd reason, which I do not understand to this day, she got angry. I didn't want to give her a reason, partly because I didn't have one, and it was mostly my feelings that were involved, but she wouldn't accept that. She got angry, and cursed and swore at me over the phone. I got very angry at that point, as I felt I didn't deserve this at all. I told her that if it was her friend (Jacinta) that I had done it to, she would not have gotten angry.
I ended up talking to Jacinta about it, over the phone, for about 30 mins, explaining myself. She was very kind, very understanding...and promised me that she'd relay my thoughts and feelings to Melissa. I found it odd, that 2 people could be the best of friends, and yet be so very, very different.

Well, I think it's safe to say that I was pretty shocked with the events of that day....and I hated myself more than ever. I wanted to hate her, I really did. The way she changed, helped me somewhat, and yet, I still couldn't hate her. I can only hope that one day, we find our way again.

Went to uni on monday, and had some vanilla coke. That is some real nice stuff :D
I also filled up the petrol again.

Oh, by the way, there was a shooting at my uni on monday, some people died.

Anyway, till I next update, bai.


PS: @Nish: "I saw brian naylor beating the crap out of a goat with a 9 iron on the side of the freeway the other day" haha you own me :D

Thursday, October 03, 2002

So much stuff to write, I havent updated in fucking ages.

Good News? I have a new job. It pays 14 bucks an hour, and I get a minimum of 16 hours a week.

Thats about 225 dollars I week I'd imagine, give a few hours, so I'm not hating it too bad ^__________^

Also, I got my Ps today <:D~
Lots of congrats from everyone, and I'm sure from you guys too.

I also managed to get some nice OSTs of some animes such as Rahx and Noir (<3~), and burnt them all to CD :) Dropped by Melissa's house today, just to show that we're cool :)

err....I also managed to get 50 new cdrs from my parents, but for some reason they running out so quickly :(
I asked people if they wanted me to burn some of the stuff that I had, at the anime marathon, and I ended up spending saturday, sunday, and monday burning stuff for people :[

Parents got quite pissed off at me, so I don't think I'll be doing that again :/

err...I managed to finish that assignment a day later, and I vow to not stick with commerce. I will change courses, even if I have to study to do it :{

ergh..study.. :{{{{

ermm................I watched the Bourne Identity on Thursday night, lotsa people I asked couldn't make it, but I was surprised that lotsa people I DIDN'T ask turned up :E
All was good :p

Then I went to watch Eight Legged Freaks on Saturday night, felt really bad for making Ivan drive me home at 1 in the morning, but he said he just left the party when i finished, so I think it was all good @_@

Stupid Ben didn't turn up again, but it was cos his Grandma (My GrandAunt) was in teh hospital again..I think she's dying :(((
I don't blame him, at least he turned up on Monday to have me burn liek 30 cds for him o_o
Well at least I have my stuff back.

Miho didn't make it to Bourne Identity because she promised she'd go with her boyfriend. Oh well ://
Ivan didnt make it because of his twisted ankle (AGAIN), Melissa didn't make it because of ongoing problems with not being comfortable with me just yet.
Evelyn didn't make it cos of teh lots of work :|

Went to Hoang's Barbeque yesterday, and it was kinda nice...sort of. I drank ONEbottle of Ruski, and got almost totally wasted. I feel so pathetic :///////
Went home and just crashed in my mums bed, so yeah @_@

Started the new job on Tuesday, and was quite nervous. I only started calling people up on Wednesday, so I'm used to it now. I've spoken to more answering machines yesterday than I have in my entire life :||||||

Ummmmm, yeah, I feel liek quite the sales person now (although I have yet to make a sale >:\) and I feel like it's all worth it, kind of. Like I'm doing something worthwhile.

Oh yeah, my nanny (yes my nanny) from when I was 2 years old (I haven't seen her in 5 years I think) decided to visit us on Sunday, and her son came along as well (he's 29 now @_@). She kept asking me to go visit them in Malaysia end of next year, and I just keep replying I dunno, I'm planning to go to Japan D:

Really, I'm quite uncomfortable, because she expected me to have night long talks with her like I did when I visited her last. I feel really really bad, because things just aren't the same anymore. I'm grown up, and I don't have as much childish concerns as I did back then (many would disagree, but ALAS! Its true :{ )

Tuesday night, I watched "Ring 2", some Japanese horror film that wasn't too bad at all. Not too scary, but enough to make me run from the toilet when I went to pee :/
Also, I watched Pitch Black last night, Vin Diesel is my hero, he's so COOL!!!!!!! XD

Still had issues with Melissa, because when I tried to call her Sunday night, her phone was busy, and I messaged her, then talked for just a while.
Monday night, I called again, and her phone was busy again, and I felt kinda...Jealous I guess. I shouldn't be, and I swear i wouldn't feel that way again.
She got really annoyed at me, because I called her, and she said "Why do you have to keep calling me?" and I'm just like "I'm not..We're friends aren't we?"

and she said "Friends have privacy too >:\"

Didn't really feel like I deserved that.

Yesterday I wanted to go buy icecream from KFC. Asked my little sister to go with me to hold the icecream. She said "No, I already had one today". Then when I managed to get someone to come with me, she said "yes, get me one too!"

I told her off and pretty much tried to get across "Fuck off, I asked you to come before you lazy bitch and you don't want any, now I'm not getting any for you".

Of course I said it nicer, but she said "I can't believe I got such a bastard for a brother".

Wanted to fucking smash her in the face right then.
So very, very unfair.

Bad News? : You all know what that is. Sure I got lots and lots and lots of ups this past few weeks, but God..

I just, don't have anyone to share it with. I don't have anyone to feel happy with, noone I would like to say "OMG, thats so great! I knew you could do it!" and see the biggest smile on their face. That's all I'd be happy with, just to see someone I love smile because of something I did. I don't ask for much. I really don't.

But if it's all my fault, then so be it.
I'll become a much better person soon enough.

That is all, I'm sure none of you read all of this but if you do...at least you'll have a glimpse into my life and my thoughts these days. Bye.

Friday, September 20, 2002
well, I havent blogged in almost 2 weeks.

Life got slightly better, but its again progresively becoming shit.

I feel so helpless, I just want to die...and these goddamn assignments don't help much.

The prospect of getting a new job is nice, but I still....still miss her.

More than I really should. Damnit.

Saturday, September 07, 2002
I keep calling her.

Goddamit I have to leave her alone, I have to. But..I just can't. I miss her so much.

I called her at 2am this morning, and she said "...It's nice to hear your voice".

I was happy...maybe there's a chance.
But I called her again tonight, hopeful. I asked her if she was annoyed at me, and she said "slightly...I understand your reasons are sincere, but I can't explain 2 in the morning." and to which i replied "Well I tried to call earlier but you didn't pick up.."

"But you also said 'It's nice to hear your voice'"

And then she said "Oh, that was because I was so tired and asleep, i dont know what i was saying".

Then i asked if she would be annoyed if I started hitting on her, and she said "for sure, yes, because I dont want you to."

.....I know that she just wants to try new things... But, I feel so hurt.

I can't help calling her, its so hard not to.
And I can't let go. I love her so much, but I'm in so much pain right now because of it.

Whatever I did to deserve this...I'm serious.

Please, let her find an opening in her heart for me again, Please. I don't know what I will do without her. I simply can't go on.

I'm so fucking depressed.

Suicide sounds good, though it wont get me anywhere...and i couldn't bear to leave melissa hanging like that, like it was her fault.

Even in death, I would be restless for causing her such pain.

I guess....I still have a long way to go. These next few months are gonna be tough.

She's just a phonecall away...yet I can't make that call. Goddamit all to hell.

Wednesday, September 04, 2002
Well, I'm not going to Japan anymore.

Turns out my academic results just aren't good enough. In a way, I'm kind of relieved that I don' thave to save up that much money anymore, but I guess bleh

I still lost my chances of learning japanese to a greater extent tho :{

Hmm...........about the Mel thing, I'm really trying to cope.

So don't you all worry about me at once :}

If you're reading this, I'm alright :)

And ivan, if you're reading this, GJ at not telling me last night >:|

:E I'm not annoyed at you, i promise. if you still want chobits, I will still give it to you, thx mai ^^

Melissa broke up with me today.

Saturday, August 31, 2002

NO <3 for GARBO AT ALL >:{!!!!

Sunday, August 25, 2002
Friday, I didn't update because I was fairly depressed.
I almost got myself killed while driving home from Melissa's house, looking to the right, seeing the car far off, looking to the left, saw a car coming, so I decided to wait for the car on the left to pass.
Then I instinctively drove out, and saw the car on the right coming at me. I accelerated a bit, so I made it safely, though I was in a tiny bit of shock.

Then I got home, got yelled at by my dad. I left the bin outside. He wanted me to do it right now.
So I did. Then I came upstairs, and he started yelling at me again, giving me a lecture. All that crap about how I'm so pathetic and that I'm not gonna turn out right, why his only son was like this. And I admit it, I was wrong. I only wanted to pull in the bin tomorrow before I go to work, because I know that I usually open the garage door, and everything would have been more convenient for me, had I done it tomorrow. There would've been no sacrifices made.
He couldn't accept it. Fine. I was wrong. I know, how pathetic I am. He says "Do you know how much it hurts me everytime I ask you to do something and you wait till you can't wait anymore?" And I say "What difference does it make, as long as the end result is the job getting done?"
Though he can't accept it, fine, I was wrong. I admit it, and I'm sorry. I feel bad, and I'll change, but whether they're gonna leave me alone, or persistently bug me along the way, that will ultimately decide the result.

Then I get an email from my friend, in my accounting tute group, saying that "its unfair for [me and Joel] to never turn up for the tute meetings, so [me and Joel] have to do a separate assignment".
It was a misunderstanding. I attended the first meeting, I was late by 5 minutes, literally, for the second one, but they had already finished. And the final meeting, I had a dentist appointment, which I informed Joel about, but he never informed them, and told me that Sheryl (friend), couldn't make it. GJ @ you buddy.
Fucked everything up real bad, this stupid misunderstanding.

And the night before, I got in trouble with Melissa because Village wouldn't accept my application form one day late. GJ@ me for not knowing the due date -_-.

Had to work yesterday, and I believe I am officially out of a job.
Boss found out that I was looking for another job, and he asked me if it was fair for him to begin looking for a replacement..and ofcourse I had to say "yes" -_-

Then I got told that when the replacement was found, I have to be gone, so...yeah.

Also, got really fucking pissed off before church today.
Was driving, then I drove halfway onto the street, believing that the bridge in the middle allowed me to wait on it, while the car on the left was about to drive past.

Well, I wasn't mean to do that, so all is well and good.

Seeing as how I can see about 100 metres of road to the right of me, and no cars whatsoever were in sight, there shouldve been no reason to panic.

Except, my dad felt that my "mistake" required some shouting, and my mum backed up him. Eventually I was forced to say "Geez, you guys dont have to shout at me"

Apparently, that was considered arguing. And there is no way in hell I'm allowed to argue with MY parents. Then "why do you have to argue, jsut accept that you're wrong"
then my dads liek "wtf, we weren't shouting at you, we were teaching you, and you shouldn't argue, just accept it"

then my mum goes "You have such a bad temper, you should really learn to control it, even if we did yell at you, it was just because we panicked because you did something wrong".

K. Wat the fuck is that. "I" should learn to control my temper. Yet they were the ones to panic and start shouting, when we were in no danger watsoever.

I don't get that. He's a damn hypocrite, anger is a human emotion, as well is panic. Why is it that people MUST learn to control their anger, but people can panic whenever they want?


Seriously, one of these days I'm gonna fucking crack it. And they're gonna say, fine you go away, u wrong, u fuck off.

I just don't understand how everyone can tolerate my dad like he's always right. I don't always admit taht I'm wrong, when I'm wrong, though after a bit of convincing, I do admit it. Sometimes, I even admit that I was wrong, without any convincing required.
But he, does not, EVER, under any circumstances, admit that he's wrong.


I'm supposed to respect my father. I respected him, until the point that I realised, he was never ever gonna accept anyone's opinion other than his own.
And him, getting frustrated that I no longer respect him, he tries to rationalise with me by telling the story of his past. Again.

How about, trying to talk with me, calmly. Though I KNOW it's never going to happen.

Thursday, August 22, 2002
testing hope this works.

Archive still doesnt work -_-

or maybe i cant archive anything until I have at least 1 week of stuff ;D~

Hi all :D

Not so much depressed today, the stupid colourquiz that I did yesterday (www.colorquiz.com [*o_O at American spelling]) happened to come up during my Marketing session, and they were just liek laughing at me :{.

err...Had Marketing lecture at 10:00, Jap from 11:00 - 1:00, but I skipped Marketing lecture to study for Jap (Kanji >:|) and skipped the second half of Jap to study for Marketing Tute Group at 1:00 :|

I proly should organise my time better.

And I payed a visit to Melissa (a surprise one at that), only to find that she wasn't home -_-;


k I go dentist now bai.

back from dentist, and..dentist said I can get my braces off before I (perhaps) go to Japan :D!

err...decided to hand in the Knox Application form today, since Mai told me it was meant to be in by yesterday -_-
...Sister's friend came back from Sydney, and they were going out to dinner, so I asked her to help me drop it off.

Umm....Ate dinner, and heard about all that "my Grade 5 priest teacher raped me back in 1857" and its so fucking lame.

Stupid asses are just out to make money, it's so annoying.

Then I came to computer to edit this post. Hope Melissa's not too mad at me for showing up at her house when she wasn't home ;)

Have yet to call her today. Bought her chocolates, hope that made up for it, we've been going out for exactly 1 year and 2 months now (:D!).

k, I might go call her soon, but for now, some accounting assignment to keep me busy >:(

Wednesday, August 21, 2002
hi :D!

depressed today, whee my first blogger thingy :E

For some reason, everyone is find G-spot to be really funny.